Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Dark Music

For this review I won’t pretend that I haven’t read the relevant wiki for this show: Jacob Tierney, the actor who plays Eric, left before the second season and Eric disappeared from the group without explanation. That makes this second story, told right after the first, his final chance to impress. It certainly out-performs his first attempt, and I’d say is overall one of the better, if not the best, episodes so far. However, I feel that it’s quality may almost be accidental.

Eleven episodes in and I’m finally starting to understand the show enough to level some real criticisms in it’s direction. While this will make two reviews in a row where I start by ranting away in a tangent, I’m going to just run with it, because I think it definitely relates to what makes this episodes so good.

I think with a show like this, the production staff must have sat down at some point and asked questions of tone. To what extent should the different stories have a consistent tone, and to what extent should they shake up the formula. I think that, for the most part, the episodes up until now have been more-or-less consistent in their tone. They shake it up a bit on their range between humor and horror, but both still have to be present. You can’t scare the kiddies too much, but you also can’t risk making an episode all laughs and having them worry they’re watching the wrong show.

I also noticed that The Tale of Laughing in the Dark is the only episode in which the horror might have a rational explanation. Technically that makes this show as much if not more a sci-fi/fantasy anthology, than a horror anthology. However, this is understandable as the kind of horrors humans usually visit on each other are hardly family friendly.

So, The Tale of the Dark Music gets points simply because it does vary quite a bit from the standard tone. It’s the closest I’ve ever seen to the show staying completely straight in horror, and it has some legitimately frightening visuals. Having the main character (Graham Selkirk) turn evil at the end doesn’t hurt either, and I suspect the host segment reassuring us that he doesn’t actually murder his sister (Jennie Levesque) may have been added in.

The host segments in general for this episode are quite weak. Apparently the theme of this episode is supposed to be fear of the dark. Frank (Jason Alisharan) is mad that Eric left him in the woods without a flashlight. The main story has nothing to do with the dark, except that the horror is in a dark basement, and since most bad things in this show happen in dark places that hardly helps.

Andy, our main character, moves into a new house his mother (Kathryn Graves) inherited from a great-uncle he had never met or heard of. The uncle was apparently a recluse, who somehow made a fortune without ever leaving his house. He was hated by the neighbors, and a boy named Koda (Leif Anderson) immediately attacks him for simply being related to the old man. I think we’re supposed to interpret Koda’s father (Ian MacDonald) as abusive, and feel some sympathy for him, but all Mr. Koda does is tell his son not to talk back, and that he will have to do chores to earn his allowance (apparently by scrubbing the front steps for hours, as we never see him do any other work), so on this count they fell down.

As Andy helps his mother around the house, he makes several trips into the basement, in which strange things begin to happen. Each time, something strange, comes from a closet to greet Andy and invite him to join it. Over the course of the episode we get a glowing set of red eyes, a giant doll, and a carnival barker (AJ Henderson) who turns into a skeleton.

Intermixed with the basement and Koda’s periodic attacks, we see Andy trying to be the ideal son. He delivers newspapers, helps his mother around the house, and tries to take care of his bratty little sister. His character is established well without the need for two much exposition: despite now living in a big house, he’s an underpriviledged kid who feels that his lot in life is unfair.

Two events come together to create the climax: Koda destroys Andy’s bike, and Andy realizes that the force in the closet is summoned by music (no explanation why, but we don’t really need one). In an effort to simply punish Koda for his bullying, Andy lures him into the basement, locks him in, and blasts the music. When he comes to see the cowed bully, he finds that Koda is gone, but has been replaced by a new bicycle.

The closet opens, and a voice tells Andy that it will give him anything he wants as long as he feeds the being in the closet, just as he did his uncle. Just then his sister comes home saying the famous last words “Mom says you have to make me dinner.” We then get the aforementioned cop-out on the ending.

I imagine that if this show had been lower on humor and heavier on pure horror, this episode probably wouldn’t have impressed me as much. That said, with the season we have, this episode stands above most of the previous offerings. Definitely one to check out.

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Super Specs

The Tale of the Super Specs is the first story narrated by Gary (Ross Hull), the leader of The Midnight Society. I honestly went into this episode roughly remembering the story, and expecting it to be more mediocre. Instead, this episode is outright horrifying, taking a pair of joke shop glasses, and using them to present a frightening scenario.

I like Gary a lot as a character. Before the story starts we’re shown him with Kristen (Rachel Blanchard) in his father’s magic shop. In the shop Gary picks up a pair of glasses like the ones in the story before going to the meeting. This gives us the impression that Gary may have made up this entire story on the fly, making him the definitive story-telling ace of a group that in other episodes discusses working on stories for extended periods of time.

This episode introduces us to the show’s second recurring character, Sardo (Richard Dumont), a magic store owner who somehow manages to constantly sell protagonists real, and very dangerous magic, which even he thinks is fake. As with Vink, Sardo was never intended to recur, and the episode ends with him trapped in limbo, so I can only assume later appearances take place in alternate universes.

The episode follows a boy named Weeds (Eugene Byrd) and his girlfriend Marybeth (Graidhne Lelieveld-Amiro), who come into Sardo’s shop, and buy dust made from monkey bones, and a pair of the glasses. The glasses themselves appear to be inert on their own, but playing around Weeds throws some of the dust on the glasses, enchanting them.

While it’s never really commented on, it bears noting that Weeds is black, Marybeth is white, and they are explicitly stated to be a couple multiple times, even though it’s not necessary for the story. Yay for progressive children’s media! They have good chemistry as a bickering couple.

Weeds is a prankster, but is portrayed positively for it. Marybeth, on the other hand, is the voice of reason. When she begins putting on the specs and seeing people veiled in all black, Weeds assumes it’s an April Fools joke. However, Marybeth continues to see strange things, and even subtle changes to the environment through the glasses (a kettle on the stove visible only through the glasses, and a fire in the fireplace). It’s tense.

And when she tries to get rid of the glasses they, predictably, reappear in her bag.

Weeds, meanwhile, plays pranks, and messes around with the dust, eventually assuming it doesn’t work because he’s turned the wrong way to see it’s effect.

Going to Sardo, Marybeth is told that she and Weeds have somehow opened a door to another dimension, and the two realities are fighting to exist (an explanation Sardo clearly makes up, but is proven to be correct). Getting the monkey dust back from Weeds just before he flushes it as useless, she forces her boyfriend to sit through a ritual with Sardo to close the door. We get creepy imagery, and a bunch of people in veils.

When Sardo attempts to finally seal the doorway, a woman’s voice loudly announces that two universes cannot co-exist, and we cut to a reality where the two leads are replaced by different actors (Paul Frappier and Tarah Anick). Then, the veiled woman (Rachelle Glait) reveals herself, and explains to the two that they’d opened a door to another universe, but she’d sealed it away to save theirs. We then see our three leads in a crystal ball, screaming.

I’m a bit confused by why the ending seems to imply that the woman in black was a villain, if she was saving her own universe, but her voice goes low-pitched so she’s evil. Also, no one but her seems to veil themselves in the alternate universe, so I’m not sure who the other figures were. Still, kind of a minor criticism.

We close out on Gary pranking the group by giving them specs, and having a veiled David (Nathaniel Moreau) step in front of them. The logistics of this prank I don’t understand, but they needed a closing.

When people say horror should focus on scary ideas over gore, this is what they mean.

Are You Afrid of the Dark: The Tale of Laughing in the Dark

A real problem with going into these shows after so many years is that I’m effectively blind for what is and isn’t normal.  This means that I can only comment on what seems notable at the time, and if an element proves to be omnipresent in later episodes I may stop mentioning it.  On the other hand, if I suspect an element will be omnipresent and it isn’t, then I may only notice it when it’s gone.

I say this because both of these first two episodes do seem, more-or-less, like the kind of scary stories kids would tell each other.  They’re a bit stretched out, as I said in my previous review, as I can’t recall any campfire stories lasting longer than five minutes when I was a kid.  But they still have the basic elements of mundane life interrupted by the supernatural in a way more dictated by emotions than logic.

That may change in later episodes, but for these first two that’s exactly what we get, and it works to the show’s benefit.  Here, we get the first story of Betty Ann (Raine Pare-Coull), but the focus of the host segments is clearly on Kristen (Rachel Blanchard), who is revealed to be scared of clowns.

The host segments of this episode serve to give us some good characterization for The Midnight Society.  The group as a whole seem to see Kristen as “Miss Perfect,” and it’s obvious throughout the episode that she’s trying to balance her emotions as she’s compelled to run, determined to convince her friends that there’s no chink in her armor of courage, and trying to maintain an appearance of maturity over the two conflicting desires, both of which she realizes at some level are rather childish.  I was surprised that the ending made it clear that she hadn’t overcome her fears in thirty minutes, but I liked that point.  It was far more realistic, and her fake-out “oh, I’m over it now” was priceless when the façade was broken.

The rest of the group, however, seems to almost revel in Kristen’s discomfort, and are characterized by how overt they are with their antagonism.  Betty Ann seems to almost be trying to pass the buck, acting as if she came up with a clown story totally by coincidence, and it absolutely has nothing to do with Kristen.  Eric (Jacob Tierney), on the other hand, outright jumps her with a mask at the end, setting him up as the closest thing our framing stories have to an antagonist.  Most of the other members falls somewhere in-between these two extremes.

The child actors in this story aren’t nearly as bad as in the previous one.  Not great, but a step up.  The writing doesn’t hurt either, as the characters aren’t completely exaggerated to better fit their roles.  The main character, Josh (Christian Tessier), is motivated in the story to prove he’s braver than his friend Weegee (Daniel Finestone), or Weegee’s younger sister Kathy (Tamar Kozlov), but this motivation doesn’t come across as some obsession driving his life.  He just happens to be in a situation where his courage is in question, and he gets himself in a bind trying to prove it.

To talk about the actual plot: The three go to an amusement park called Playland.  Many years ago, a clown named Zeebo (Aron Tager returning for his only non-Vink episode) attempted to steal the park’s payroll, and ran into the Funhouse.  However, Zeebo carelessly threw away a cigar in the Funhouse, and inadvertently burned himself to death.  As a morbid joke, the current Funhouse was converted into a memorial to Zeebo, themed around the idea that if you pick the correct door you can proceed, but if you pick the wrong door a Zeebo dummy will jump out and scare you.

On their initial trip to the Park, the three are introduced to the Funhouse by a cigar smoking Carney (Tager in a duel role), but Josh backs out, and the other two seem uninterested.  Weegee and Kathy are interesting characters, because they’re primarily portrayed as simply two people who believe in ghosts.  To them entering the Funhouse would be like running across the street without checking for traffic: not so much brave as a stupid and unnecessary risk.  They’re not portrayed as overly fearful, or as new age nuts.  They’re just two people who happen to believe that ghosts are real, and best to be avoided.  Thus, they bring out antagonism from Josh.  After the conflict escalates, Weegee dares Josh to go back to the Funhouse, and Josh finds himself accepting the challenge.

The challenge, however, comes with a caveat: When Josh meets Zeebo, he will steal the clown’s nose to prove he went through, and in exchange Weegee will wear it to school for a week.  I’m a bit uncertain why the morality of stealing or vandalizing a Funhouse isn’t discussed here, let alone the problems that always comes with stealing from a ghost.  The episode seems to just assume that petty theft of small objects is something children are generally okay with.  To be fair, my memory of childhood more-or-less fits with that depiction, and the story needed to move forward.

The episode adds a nice touch by having Josh initially pick the correct door to get out of the Funhouse without encountering Zeebo, giving him an easy out.  It’s purely due to pride that Josh goes back and searches for the “wrong” door to find Zeebo.  There can be no excuse when he takes the nose it was an active choice to the last moment.

The actual scene in which the encounter happens is probably the point at which the acting is the weakest, and I think it highlights a problem that I intend to be on the lookout for as this show goes forward: the horror can only be greeted with an extended, audible scream.  Not a gasp, or a jump, or nervousness.  Our protagonist must exhaust his lungs on a long scream, which really kills the scene.  The fact that it happens twice in the episode certainly doesn’t help.  If they’d just allowed the actor to react more naturally to something creepy it would have worked much better.

As for Zeebo’s return, I was legitimately kind of surprised by the ambiguity.  While home alone Josh is haunted by the smell of cigars, strange noises, and a mysterious footprint in pudding.  Things become more overt when he gets scary phone calls, and his dinner is switched in the microwave with cigarette butts (this is when we get the second unnecessary scream).  The final straw before Josh breaks and goes to return the cigar is a balloon being slid under his bedroom door and then inflated to reveal a note reading “Give It Back.”

The ending is one point I love: Josh returns the nose, with a pack of cigars to apologize, and…leaves.  Rather than a final scare the Carney closes the episode with another pitch.  Zeebo is never defeated, Josh just determines that he’s facing something he can’t win against, and appeasement is the only option.  It’s not and ending we see very often, at least not without the monster being made sympathetic.  However, Zeebo is clearly not some cuddly monster who needs a hug.

The ending of the episode obviously leaves us with some room for interpretation.  The dual role Tager played obviously leaves us with the possibility that the Carney was responsible for everything, attempting to scare Josh, or even that the Carney was the ghost of Zeebo all along.  Commenting on the Carney, he’s a fun character, who basically says nothing that doesn’t sound like a pitch, leaving him ironically as an almost blank slate onto which evil can easily be projected.

However, this effect is somewhat neutralized by the fact that the Midnight Society has to talk about it.  It makes a degree of sense.  Kids might not have picked up on the idea so quickly, and obviously, horror buffs who just heard the story would want to talk about it.  It’s not a deal breaker for the episode, but it doesn’t help.  As an adult, having the ambiguity spelled out to be just kills the mood.

Overall, this episode is probably the stronger of the first two.  They’re both easily better than anything in Goosebumps.  They’re far from perfect, every show must make compromises, and shows for kids doubly so.  But they work for half-hour stories.

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Phantom Cab

I was a little worried going into Are You Afraid of the Dark.  I’d been disappointed by the first season of Goosebumps, and was afraid this show would prove equally disappointing.  I’d re-watched a few episodes sporadically in the last few years, however, and was hopeful.  Still, I wasn’t completely convinced that I hadn’t simply caught the better ones.

That said, I was quite happy with what I got in this first episode.  While there are still issues with the child actors, there’s plenty else to make up for it.  The story, unlike most Goosebumps episodes, was clearly written to be easy to tell in a 30-minute children’s show with a limited budget, with only the most basic special effects.  The music is awesome, and the story seems like something kids would tell scare each other, if dragged out a bit longer than the scary stories other kids told me as a child.

The premise, for anyone who wasn’t a 90s kid, is that a group of kids called “The Midnight Society” hold meetings out in the woods where they tell scary stories.  This first episode shows the initiation of a new member, Frank (Jason Alisharan), who must tell a story good enough to earn a unanimous vote, before he will be allowed to join.

Even in the frame story, this is one of those shows that pretends kids have some great freedom of movement.  Frank was brought to the middle of the woods blindfolded, because he can’t be allowed to know where they meet until he’s a member.  If they’re far enough out to be hidden, I seriously doubt any of these kids are old enough to get there without being driven by parents.

I don’t say this as a negative.  I know one of the major appeals of this show to lonely kids was the idea of a group of friends, who spend time together consistently, and who I had a secret place to meet.  You could probably explain away Frank’s situation by saying that his sponsor’s Mom drove them together, rolling her eyes at the blindfold the whole way, but that’s not the point.  This show is fantasies within a fantasy.

Appropriately for Frank’s initiation, he tells story about proving yourself.  The story we get is about two brothers named Buzz and Denny (Sean Ryan and Jason Tremblay) who go for a hike.  Buzz is hoping to use the trip as a chance to impress his older brother.  The two actors are both the weakest part of this episode, and I get the distinct feeling the people who did the casting decided to keep the kids who were able to avoid telegraphing every line for the ongoing frame-story, and stick whoever else they could find in as the one-off characters.

The two brother send up lost in the woods because Buzz was trusted with the compass, and repeatedly held it too close to his metal belt-buckle.  I’m not sure if a random piece of unmagnetized metal would affect a compass that easily, but it does seem like the kind of “lost in the woods” idea a kid excited to apply the knowledge he gained studying for his Science test to story-telling would come up with.

As it starts to get dark and cold the two meet a friendly man named Flynn (Brian Dooley).  The man gives evasive answers to every question they ask, refusing to directly say if he’s lost, why he’s in the woods, or if he’ll help them.  Instead he says only that he’ll take them to “someone who can help them” who he refers to as “the Good Doctor.”

The Doctor is Doctor Vink (Aron Tager), a recurring character featured in Frank’s later stories.  In this story, he lives in a small cottage in the middle of the woods, and upon their arrival Flynn mysteriously disappears, giving the brothers no choice but to approach the house, and the Doctor emerges to seduce them inside.

There’s a good reason Vink kept appearing in this show: he’s an awesome character.  He’s theoretically a scientist, but much of what he does seems outright magical.  Personally, I’m inclined to put him into the category of an alchemist, mixed with a good portion of a classic trickster.  He’s an old man, but constantly full of energy and spirit.  I feel almost like I should justify not calling him a pedophile, when he lures kids into a cabin and offers them tea while getting up close and personal, but I almost feel like Vink is too insane for such desires to even register for him.  He seems far more interested in gaining “specimens” for his experiments.

Also, he doesn’t like being called a “nutbag.”

Being on cable had the added advantage of letting the show get away with far more than Goosebumps ever could, and Vink happily shows the kids the brain of a boar (which is obviously just raw chicken, but let’s pretend), and a human hand preserved in formaldehyde.   Denny, as the practical brother, is absolutely repelled by the Doctor, while Buzz seems to be at least somewhat fascinated.

Vink, seemingly disinterested in their problems, starts a game of riddles with Buzz in exchange for access to his phone (which he’s prepared to disable with a pair of hedge clippers).  The riddles are old, but this was the 90s, before a quick Google search would have given the writers all the brain-busters they could ever want.

The riddle that stumps Buzz is “What is it that has no weight, can be seen by the naked eye, and if you put it in a barrel it will make the barrel lighter?”  (I’m sure all the kids at home who got it were proud when we cut back to the Midnight Society debating if the riddle was solvable.)  Losing the game, the two must leave.  However, the Doctor helpfully informs them that a cab drives through the woods every night, and will be by shortly.  The brothers are incredulous, but decide to wait anyway, having no other options.

Naturally, the cab shows up, old and worn and driven by Flynn.   At this point the episode goes from simply being creepy to being downright terrifying, as we go into the territory of urban horror stories.  Once inside the cab the boys find that Flynn is no longer as evasive as he had been.  Forty years ago, Vink offered Flynn a big tip if he could solve a riddle, and Flynn failed.  After losing, Flynn died in a crash (not stated, but implied to be caused by Vink), and is not forced to relive the crash over and over again with those who can’t answer Vink’s riddles.  Before the crash, Flynn gives them one more chance to answer the riddle.

I’m not quite sure how to interpret Flynn.  Despite telling them that he wants them to succeed and break his curse, he remains chipper throughout, even talking about the car exploding like it’s a fascinating event they need to see.  Perhaps as a ghost he maintains the happy demeanor of a cab driver providing a service, perhaps Vink forces him to act in such a manner, or maybe he’s just jaded after forty years and trying to stay positive.

Naturally, Buzz figures it out in the nick of time, the cab disappears, and the two are picked up by a park ranger (Tedd Dillon).  We’re told in voice-over that all that could be found of the cabin was a stone foundation, planting that hint that some time travel was involved.  Frank is voted in, and the credits roll.

This episode gives you pretty much exactly what you’d want: a ghost story about kids, tailor made for its format, and with a memorable villain.  Honestly, going through this show, I can only hope this quality is maintained.

Goosebumps: Episode 15 Say Cheese and Die

Just a personal theory: I think I may have found an example of a good actor, playing a bad actor, playing a character, without the makers knowing. Or maybe with. Who knows, really. Director Ron Oliver actually has a pretty long history in children’s television, so I have trouble believing that he was completely unaware when a young Ryan Gosling played Greg Banks, our protagonist, in a dull “read my lines and emote” manner that seems to be copied directly from standard Tales from the Crypt episodes.

A fun fact: This episode was based on a Twilight Zone episode called A Most Unusual Camera, which was also the basis of an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark called The Tale of the Curious Camera. Goosebumps wiki acknowledges this, and as of this writing incorrectly claims that two actors from this episode are shared with the original Twilight Zone episode, but somehow misses the fact that Ron Oliver also directed the Are You Afraid of the Dark version.

This is a pretty fast-moving episode, with a surrealist feel. Greg, and several of his friends, have apparently become interested in a local homeless man nicknamed “Spidey” (Richard McMillan). They decide to break into the abandoned building where he lives, and discover...a camera. It’s weird looking, but they’re able to figure out pretty quickly that it’s basically a Polaroid. Greg takes his friend Bird’s (Akiva David) picture, right before he has a tumble off a flight of stairs...then, Spidey shows up, and they all run. After leaving, Greg is amazed to find that the picture shows Bird falling off the stairs, although Greg is convinced he took the picture before it happened.

To be fair, this is an episode where the short length does help somewhat. We have an evil camera, and it doesn’t take the characters long to figure out that it’s evil. Greg has one nightmare where his family is killed by the camera (or as close as can be implied by a kids’ show), and it causes two disasters. His father’s (Marvin Karon) new car shows up in a picture damaged, after which the family has a near miss, and the father eventually crashes the car alone. He also photographs his friend Shari (Renessa Blitz), who doesn’t show up in her picture at all. He also finds that the camera is undamaged when thrown onto concrete. I can imagine that in a longer film the protagonist would have kept “experimenting.”

There are definitely some weird moments in the episode. The aforementioned dream has Greg taking his family’s picture at a picnic, and then looking at the developed photo to see skeletons standing in their place. Also, he finds out about Shari’s disappearance when two cops (Karen Robinson and Scott Speedman) show up at his house to literally interrogate him without the slightest shred of evidence he had anything to do with the disappearance. That said, it works to get the kiddies hyped up, and as an adult I guess I can just say “meh, surreal” and move on.

The ending of the episode is quite strong, and probably the most memorable part. Greg decides to return the evil camera to the place where he found it, and finds Shari along the way. Apparently she reappeared at her home after he tore up her picture, which makes the camera a lot less impressive, but they continue on their journey.

Back at the abandoned building they’re confronted by Spidey, who gives his villain speech. He’s one of the more interesting villains. He attempted to make a camera that could predict the future, but instead produced one that made horrible futures come to pass. There’s a certain sympathetic touch to the idea that he became homeless to keep the camera hidden and unused when he discovered it was indestructible. However, I can’t see any particular reason he couldn’t have put it in a weight metal box and dropped into the ocean, where it would have likely been undiscovered for a period much longer than his human lifespan.

Overall, though, he comes across as a jackass with some vague notion that he wants to be a good person. He gives us a line about “primitive tribes” believing that cameras can steal souls that I will politely assume was an intentional attempt to paint him as a racist. He also believes, of course, that the two children now know too much and cannot be allowed to leave.

Shari snaps his picture, in a move that’s both surprisingly smart and ruthless for a children’s show protagonist. He disappears, and we see him screaming to be released from inside the camera. The protagonists leave the camera behind, and we get our final scare when two bullies from earlier in the episode find the camera, and take their own picture...and then Spidey is behind them.

I recommend this episode. Each episode of this show seems to have it’s own tone, and here the tone I get is, as I mentioned earlier, very Tales from the Crypt. It’s a scary story, compressed into a product that bears little resemblance to the real world, and I could seriously imagine Crypty laughing and throwing out a few puns (if complaining a bit about the lack of blood, sex, and curse words). It’s cheesy, everyone knows that it’s cheesy, and they make it work.

Goosebumps: Episode 10 Night of the Living Dummy II

(note: For anyone unfamiliar with Goosebumps custom, the tv series remained consistent with the book titles. So, this episode is Night of the Living Dummy II because that’s the book it was adapted from. The original Night of the Living Dummy was never adapted.)

For the episode that gave this series’ most memorable villain his first on-screen appearance, wow this is crap. Slappy (Ron Stefaniuk) is appropriately charismatic, but nothing else really works. In this particular episode even Slappy seems a bit weak, showing little ability to actually do anything particularly horrible (his later episodes give him the power to turn people into Dummies, bring other dummies to life, possess people, and make him a far more overt pedophile than in this appearance).

To be fair, I don’t think the family in this episode is supposed to be especially likable. I get the impression we’re supposed to see them as a family of dorks living in the land of sunshine and rainbows. You don’t hate them, but I think you are supposed to see them as far too sensitive.

The parents (Gina Clayton and Richard Fitzpatrick) are intent on having daily family time when everyone in the family stands up and…does something. The father sings, the son Ted (Andrew Sardella) shows a video he made of the family, the older sister Sara (Caterina Scorsone) shows her painting, and our protagonist Amy (Maggie Castle) fails at ventriloquism with her dummy “Dennis.” After Dennis’ head comes off, Amy’s father reveals that he bought her a new Dummy by the name of Slappy, who has a magic incantation written down in his pocket that Amy conveniently takes out and reads aloud.

However, when Amy tries to perform with Slappy, the dummy begins spewing insults at the rest of the family, which they all believe to be her ventriloquism (why they think she suddenly became competent at throwing her voice is beyond me). However, to me this scene really highlights the entire problem with this family: they apparently can’t deal with even the slightest thing getting out of line. Slappy’s jokes are basic-level standup comedy: Dad can’t sing, Sara can’t paint, Ted is stupid, and Mom is fat. The jokes aren’t even terribly original.

Saying “Slappy is alive” would be pointless unless I was talking to someone who not only knew nothing about this series, but had no ability at all to see obvious plot twists coming…oh, and didn’t read the title of the episode. Over the course of the episode Slappy does destroy a painting, and nearly hit Amy’s father with a guitar (resulting in the guitar being destroyed), before going on a rampage through the house attacking Amy and Sara. However, there’s never any indication that he poses any form of threat that would not be posed by a small person of his size. He might teleport once or twice, or he might just be nimble and quick on his feet.

Slappy asserts that saying the words made Amy his slave, but we’re never shown any evidence that it did anything more than bring him to life. Furthermore, he’s defeated by…having his head smashed on a hard surface. That’s it, and he’s gone. The twist? He was destroyed by the other dummy, Dennis (he talks, but I’ve tried and cannot find any record of who voiced him)

In spite of his ineffectualness, Slappy is still creepy here. However, the rest of the cast lets him down, Castle most of all. I often glace at the IMDB page of these episodes to see if any of the child actors are still working. I was utterly shocked to find that Castle is. Maybe she gets better, but in this episode she’s just terrible. Every line sounds unnatural and rehearsed, and I didn’t feel a single emotion coming out of her. Most of the other actors are, at best, meh.

Watching this episode seems less like an enjoyable nostalgia trip, and more of a history lesson. This episode is clearly inferior to less remembered stories like The Phantom of the Auditorium and Return of the Mummy. It’s an important part of the development of my generation of horror fans, and it introduced those of us who didn’t regularly read the books to a great icon, but that’s far from the same as being good.

Goosebumps: Episodes 5-6 Welcome to Camp Nightmare

Only four episodes in, and I'm already starting to form a list of things that make for a good Goosebumps episode: a two-parter for good pacing, a director who can provide atmosphere, human villains to minimize cheesy special effects, a protagonist a few years older than the show's target demographic, and a surreal environment that makes the final twist seem less stupid by comparison.

If you can't tell, I'm listing off the things I like in Welcome to Camp Nightmare. This is another step up from the already good Girl who Cried Monster, which still had problems with cheesy make-up and pacing. It still has a certain degree of hamminess to it, but moreso than any previous episode there's a sense that the cheese is intentional. All of these actors are having a blast, and the Summer Camp environment invokes the sense of an '80s slasher made appropriate for small children.

Our protagonist this time is named Billy (Kaj-Erik Eriksen), a kid whose parents frequently go off on expeditions every summer. Normally, he stays with his Aunt and Uncle, but this summer they decided to send him off to camp. I like how downplayed his reaction is. Billy comes across as less hyperactive and emotional than our three previous protagonists right from the start. He mentions that he prefers Camp over his Aunt and Uncle, but doesn't seem especially thrilled to be there either.

Most of the other kids at the camp come across as more typical Goosebumps protagonists, either easily freaked out, or snarky as hell. Billy acting as straight-man for the group works well. We get to spend the most time with the character least likely to grate on our nerves. It also goes perfectly with the eventual twist.

The episode probably embodies the fear of childhood powerlessness better than any other single episode. The majority of tension in the episode is driven by one primary conflict: the adults at the camp seem oblivious to danger. The episode starts with the kids being left in what appears to be a random part of the woods by their bus driver, and nearly attacked by a large canine creature. The camp director, Uncle Al (Chris Benson) makes his appearance by scaring the creature off with a flare-gun. He assures them that “Saber” will leave them alone if they stay on the trail, not bothering to comment on why they would build a Summer Camp at all in woods that had such a monster in it.

Uncle Al is contrasted with counselor Larry (Paul Brogren), a snarky and disinterested jerk. Where Al comes across as friendly, Larry is constantly rude and demeaning to his campers. To the episode's benefit, neither of them come across as villainous from the start. Al seems happy-go-lucky, but oblivious. Larry, on the other hand, initially comes across as a guy who's just fed-up with stupid kids who don't listen.

After arriving, camper Mike (David Roemmele) is bitten by a snake. Billy and Mike beg Larry for a doctor, but Larry tells them to just wash it off and wrap it. I remember that as a kid this seemed horrible. Now, looking at the scene, I see Larry as someone who knows there are no poisonous snakes in the area, and thinks the kids are over-reacting.

Gradually, however, it becomes clear that something is wrong. First Mike disappears, and the counselors refuse to say where he went. Then Roger (Benjamin Plener) is attacked by Saber offscreen, apparently killed. Finally, Larry turns and runs away when he sees Jay and Collin (Jeffrey Akomah and Ken Mundy) drowning. Eventually, Uncle Al begins refusing to acknowledge that campers of those names even existed.

Finally, Billy runs to hide in the “Forbidden Bunk,” where he encounters Dawn (Sarah Mitchell), and escapee from the Girls' Camp across from them, who tells him stories similar to his own. They also find that all of their letters home have been stored in the bunk. The sequence is right out of a nightmare.

When Billy goes out to investigate further, he's captured by Larry, and finds Uncle Al in fatigues, handing out crossbows loaded with alleged “tranquilizer darts” to subdue Dawn. Apparently it's camp policy to rally all the boys into a hunting party whenever anyone tries to run. The scene seems surreal, but the use of human villains helps here. The scene works as well as the actors selling it, and they sell it.

Billy, however, is having none of this, shooting Uncle Al with the crossbow he assumes to be lethal, determined that no one else can be allowed to die. And then, the reveal: the crossbow dart was harmless, and Billy just passed a test by the government. Everyone is alive, Saber was mechanical, and his parents (Alec Bachlow and Michele Duquet) set the whole thing up because they couldn't take Billy with them on a long-term expedition unless he was able to show courage, and an ability to act independently of authority. This ending works because, unlike a lot of protagonists, Billy does show himself to be a kid with exceptional control of his own emotions, much more so than any previous main characters on this show.

...oh, and they're all human-like aliens on another planet, and the expedition is to Earth. And this planet is so close that Earth is clearly visible in the sky, but Billy has never heard of it. Yes, the final twist is kind of insane, but it doesn't really bother me. It doesn't fundamentally change anything that came before it, and the actors are good enough to get me to go with a fundamentally stupid idea. It's silly, but it kind of makes me smile.

...how exactly did the Night of the Living Dummy episodes become the face of this franchise? I suppose there really isn't a marketable villain for this episode. Still, so far as I've gotten (granted it’s only four stories), this is the most bang you're going to get for your buck by a mile.