Scream 4

I’m probably not the first to point out the obvious here, although I haven’t specifically seen anyone else do it: Scream 4 took on horror remakes in an effort to revive the franchise. It bombed, and failed to get a sequel, exactly like the remakes it was going after. In fact, in the climactic scene Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) recites the names of fifteen horror remakes, only three of which ever got a sequel (and one prequel). Of those three, none made it to a trilogy. I seriously wonder what Scream 5 would have done if it’s entire reference pool of “recent sequels to horror remakes” was Halloween 2, The Hills Have Eyes 2, and Piranha 3DD (and, I supposed, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning).

The movie is, as of now, probably my second favorite of the series. While it’s true there was a troubled production, this very much feels like the logical path these characters would have taken as they grew over the years. Dewey (David Arquette) is now the sheriff of Woodsboro, Sidney (Neve Campbell) is on a book tour promoting her self-help autobiography about how she overcame the hoard of serial killers coming after her, and Gale (Courteney Cox) is now a would-be fiction author married to Dewey and confined by the small-town life and her writer’s block.

The status of this movie as a new start, and a take on horror remakes, makes the new characters far less distracting than in the previous films. While the original three are still safe (and Sidney’s love interest from the last movie seems to have been abducted by aliens or something), the new cast integrates themselves effectively. Even though Scream 5 was never made, it’s shadow is here, and it’s clear these characters weren’t written to be one-shots. That does create some real tension to see which of them will make it to the next movie, which are the killers, and which get the ax.

In this movie Ghostface seems to be going after not just Sidney, but her surviving family. This makes Sidney’s newly-introduced Aunt Kate (Mary McDonnell) and her daughter Jill (Emma Roberts) primary targets as well. Through a mixture of Jill’s social circle, and Gale’s attempts to investigate with the aid of the younger horror buffs, we get a few other High School characters, throwing us back to the original. In addition to aforementioned horror-buff Kirby, we get Film Club co-Presidents Robbie and Charlie (Erik Knudsen and Rory Culkin), and Jill’s ex-boyfriend Prime Suspect Trevor (Nico Tortorella).

My favorite character, however, is Deputy Judy Hicks (Marley Shelton), who seems to be something of a loose Dewey equivalent for the film, as the innocent and goofy law-enforcement officer, while also bringing a new dynamic to the film. As Dewey’s deputy it’s clear to everyone there’s sexual tension, even as his marriage to Gale weakens. However, rather than going the obvious route of asking if they’ll cheat, they both simply suffer in silence as both are far too moral to ever take part in anything so illicit.

Even presenting lemon squares to Dewey is done in public, as if to silently say “I am doing this in full view of the public, so my morality is not in question.” I make this sound like some kind of tragic star-crossed lovers plot, but in practice it’s outright hilarious. Even Gale seems annoyed at Judy’s uprightness, being unable to challenge her with anything more than “Your lemon squares taste like ass!”

To talk about the actual plot: a new Ghostface returns just as Sidney’s book tour takes her back home, and as an annual Woodsboro screening of all the Stab movies approaches. Killing two girls, the killer dumps the bodies in the trunk of Sidney’s car, keeping her in town as a “material witness,” staying with her now-targeted family.

This Ghostface distinguishes himself from earlier versions primarily through a more overt obsession with fame. He frequently suggests in his calls that Sidney has benefited from her victim status, while leaving Woodsboro and those living in it behind. In that way this Ghostface is probably more distinct than any of the previous versions, being more overt with his motive. Ironically, in attempting to be genre savvy, this Ghostface manages to be sloppier than any of the previous incarnations, trying to force movie tropes, and being less prepared to adapt.

The movie doesn’t lay out the rules of remakes or modern horror as clearly as the earlier films, and I get the impression that’s because horror had reached a point where it was no longer as easy to define. Scream Wiki lists seven rules for this movie, as opposed to three for all the previous films, but some of them are much vaguer. For example, “unexpected is the new cliché,” and “don’t fuck with the Original.” They also note that virgins “can” die now, and that to survive a modern slasher “you pretty much have to be gay.”

The only two rules that define this film clearly, and separately from the earlier movies are that the ending of the original movie will be a fake-out ending, and to keep the movies relevant the killer will be filming the murders with the latest technology. Both of these rules are played with in clever ways.

The killer does film the events throughout. It’s not really drawn attention to as much as you might expect, but it is there. It’s commented on, and we’re told that the intention is to upload it to the internet. Given the eventually details we learn of the plan I’m not sure how the killer was going to explain the footage being uploaded after killing the patsy, but that isn’t too distracting.

Since we all know there will be a fake-out, the movie pulls a double fake-out. At the half-way point of the film the killer attacks Gale at the annual “Stabathon,” in what pretty much everyone in the audience knows to be the attempted fake-out ending. It’s a party with young people drinking and watching horror movies, so it fulfills the technical requirements of a fake-out, without any real effort to fake anyone out. I see this as entirely intentional: the killer isn’t even trying at this point, and that lack of effort renders Ghostface off the rhythm of the movie, as he believes himself to be in the final act going forward.

In the set-up of the final act Kate is killed, and the new cast flee to Kirby’s house, where Trevor shows up claiming he was sent a text from Jill’s phone, and Charlie and Kirby begin to fall for each other. Fearing that Jill is next, the old cast minus the hospitalized Gale, rushes to Kirby’s to protect her. Ghostface, of course, shows up, kills Robbie, and kidnaps Charlie, forcing Kirby into the trailer scene where she has to answer horror film questions in imitation of the opening of the original. Thinking she won, however, Kirby approaches Charlie, who immediately stab her (her survival is a point of contention among fans, the scene showing she lived was either never filmed or cut, I’m not sure which), revealing himself as the first killer.

The second killer, as we find out with Sidney’s capture, is Jill. As it turns out, our new target had the goal of assuming Sidney’s identity within the new “remake” as the soul survivor, and had manipulated Charlie by recognizing him as a misogynist pig who she could control with faked sexual interest. Trevor is now captured, serving the duel roles of Sidney’s father and evil boyfriend Billy Loomis, as Jill takes him hostage in the role of one to frame as the other. Only unlike Billy, Jill is smart enough to off Trevor immediately after the reveal.

Needing a second killer, she also kills Charlie who expected her to stab his shoulder so he could be “left for dead,” stabs Sidney, then seriously wounds herself in a scene that demonstrates both her obsession and her utter detachment. Her rants about modern culture and the affects the internet create an interesting character, although they do sound somewhat like an older person ranting about “kids these days.” While her motivation seems a bit weak as reality television finally seems to be fading from the public landscape, the idea of a stupid teenager yelling “I don’t need friends I need fans” works as a character, if not a message.

Also, while kind of obvious, I do like the idea that Charlie’s implied ultimate punishment was to die as a virgin, having killed the girl who would have happily solved that problem. I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to interpret him as a moron, thinking that the girl who killed her friends and family for fame would show loyalty to him. It’s kind of the ultimate karma for a young person who lets his sexual frustration boil over into misogyny.

Trying to think back to the first time I saw this movie, I think I knew a second fake-out was coming. If nothing else, I was pretty sure they weren’t going to kill Sidney and let the killer win (although a series of sequels about Jill with actual killers after her, as she hides what really happened, does seem like a brave direction). So, the final confrontation happens in the hospital, when Jill finds out that Sidney might pull through. Before going to finish her off, Jill makes a slip-up referencing Gale’s wound, which she couldn’t have known about unless he was the attacker, and Gale, Judy, and Dewey descend on the room to protect Sidney. After a skirmish, Jill is electrocuted, then shot, and we cut to a reporter calling Jill a “real survivor” and “right out of the movies.” Irony! Roll credits.

This movie is, in many ways, much closer to the first than either of the other sequels. It mixes real horror and humor in the same scene. Jill is easily the second best Ghostface, but the #1 slot is a pretty high hill to climb. Where Jill came across simply as shallow an unfeeling, there was a real sense that Billy Loomis was a person with a truly deep-seated evil that had merely expressed itself through the avenue of recreating a horror movie. In all probability Billy Loomis would have been a killer no matter what. I imagine that if the two had ever met Jill would have tried to take a selfie, and Billy would stab her while she was doing it.

The movie hasn’t aged perfectly, as web culture is probably less vapid than it was at the time of release. The Jersey Shore is long gone, replaced by Matpat producing thoughtful commentary on supposedly “shallow” entertainment. That said, reading Jill as simply a sociopath, the movie still works.

Scream 3

Scream 3 is the only film in this series that I don’t actually like. Don’t get me wrong, taken on it’s own it’s not bad. However, compared to the previous films, it’s lazy. It’s particularly annoying that the movie taunts us with the suggestion that one of the main characters will die, and all three of our leads are still alive when the credits roll. Furthermore, we’re told this in a posthumous videotape recorded by Randy (Jamie Kennedy), the main character who was killed off in the previous film.

That’s the problem with this movie: It’s supposed to be the concluding chapter. It’s the end of a trilogy, a finale, the close of the story. However, Scream 2 actually felt much braver in it’s decision to kill off Randy. This movie, however, doesn’t have any moments that are particularly shocking or surprising.

One point that is borrowed from the second movie: building the reveal around a brief line of dialogue from a previous film. That way, the movies feel connected, without getting too bogged down in continuity. For 2 it was the comment about Billy’s mother leaving town, setting up her reappearance. In this film it was the suggestion that Maureen Prescott had slept with a large number of men, setting up both her sexual abuse during her time in Hollywood, and the possibility that Sidney (Never Campbell) had an unknown sibling.

However, the movie chooses to expand and throw in new characters, when it should be slicing everything down to the basics, and building a film on established characters from the previous movies. All the elements for a good finale are here, but they’re assembled in the wrong way.

The set-up of the film makes sense: Sidney has gone into hiding, working on a womens’ crisis hotline. In order to get her attention, the killer begins a rampage on the set of the newest Stab movie, where Dewey (David Arquette) is working as a consultant. Gale (Courtney Cox) is contacted by the police and comes to the set after the first murder of the now-famous talk show host Cotton Weary (Liev Schreiber). The killer begins targeting the actors in the order of their deaths in the film (Cotton had foolishly agreed to appear as himself in a cameo in which he would be killed off).

Eventually, Sidney is lured into the case. As she, Gale, and Dewey hunt for clues, it eventually comes to light that the killer’s motives relate to Sidney’s mother Maureen, who had spent some time in Hollywood under the name Rina Reynolds. It becomes clear that she’d been sexually abused by multiple men at the home of Producer John Milton (Lance Henricksen), who profited from her death by making the Stab films. Henricksen gives us a decent Wes Craven impersonation, although I kind of wish Craven had taken the plunge and played the role himself.

When the killer captures Gale and Dewey, Sidney is lured to his home, and finds out that her mother had a child who grew to be Stab 3 director Roman Bridger (Scott Foley). Roman had sought Maureen out before the events of the first film, and had the door slammed in his face. So, he groomed both Billy and Mrs. Loomis as killers in an effort to get revenge. From that revelation the film plays out as expected: Roman has a plan to frame Sidney as the killer, there’s a confrontation, and he’s killed. The only major deviation from the previous film is the lack of a secondary killer, and that only because a rewrite eliminated the idea of Sidney’s in-universe actress Angelina (Emily Mortimer) being his accomplice.

I don’t wish to give the impression that Foley does a bad job. Indeed, better established, I think Roman could have been an excellent villain. But, this wasn’t the time for new elements to take center stage. The movie also suffers from having Gale’s actress, Jennifer (Parker Posey), suddenly become a main character investigating the crime. While the idea of Gale competing with a fictionalized version of herself to be the best Gale Weathers is moderately amusing, it further distracts. This movie complicates what should be simplicity and humanity.

I spent a lot of time debating how I could criticize this movie without a better solution myself. And then it came to me: the perfect ending to this trilogy would be for Sidney’s brother to be a character known and beloved throughout the series. Ironically, Scary Movie got it right: the revelation of Dewey as the mastermind would have been both logical (why did the killers never finish him off in the previous movies?), and heartbreaking. While you could argue that Dewey would have little trouble finding Sidney, bringing her into an environment in which she was vulnerable would be far more difficult.

So, is this a bad film? Once again, no. However, if you’re going through the Scream movies and skip from 2 to 4, you won’t feel like you missed that much.

Scream 2

I first became a fan of the Scream movies in the mid-2000s when I was in High School. At the time Scream 2 was my favorite, but as I've gotten older the film hasn't aged well. It's still a good film, much better than Scream 3. However, in retrospect I think that I loved the sillier and more over-the-top story as a teenager, and as an adult I find the movie a bit immature in it’s tone. While the same issue could be raised with Scream 4, that film does an overall better job of hitting the right notes.

The single biggest weakness of this film is probably the new characters. The core characters of Sidney (Neve Campbell), Gale (Courteney Cox), Dewey (David Arquette), and Randy (Jamie Kennedy) all do excellent work. However, Liev Schreiber comes across as phoning it in his expanded role as Cotton Weary, and I really can't see Derek (Jerry O'Connell) without thinking Sidney is dating Quinn from Sliders. I'd say Hallie (Elise Neal) is the only new character who comes across as compelling or interesting, and she's given fairly little to do before being killed.

The single weakest point, though, is the villains. The concept behind them is clever: Billy Loomis' mother (Laurie Metcalf) returns to get revenge on the girl who killed her son, and teams up with Mikey (Timothy Olyphant), an attention-hungry troll who wants to kill people and then blame it on the movies so he can have a high-profile trial. Unfortunately, both of these characters are only featured in passing prior to the reveal, so neither is properly set up. This lack of development is just weird, since Mrs. Loomis goes out of her way to create a false identity when she introduces herself to Gale, and Mickey is a college classmate. Both of these gave the villains an opening to interact with the protagonists. Instead, we get a number of long scenes establishing Cotton and Derek as suspects.

Beyond their lack of set-up, the villains are just downright cartoonish. Where Billy and Stu from the original Scream came across as realistically disturbed, the villains here immediately jump into insane ranting. It doesn't help that the villains have no loyalty to each other, with Mrs. Loomis shooting Mickey shortly after the reveal, keeping him down until she'd been dispatched. While having two killers still helps to explain how Ghostface could pop up at random and never tire in a chase, having them turn on each other means that at no point do the heroes have to deal with two killers at once.

There is one thing that this movie does perfectly thought: Killing off Randy. The fact that 3 and 4 limit the deaths to new characters reduces the impact of both films. The Cassandra sequence in this film is taken by some fans to imply that Kevin Williamson intended to kill Sidney off in Scream 3. Personally, I would have offed Gale, since Dewey's survival is something of a running gag in the series.

I know that many people disagree with me on this point, but knowing that writers refuse to kill off certain characters kills the tension. Killing a main character is what made Psycho a classic, and in horror giving certain characters immunity from death just comes across as cheap. Anyone can die, that’s where fear comes from.

I know that I'm harping on the bad points here, of which there are a lot, but this is still a good film. It pales next to the original, and even next to Scream 4, but it still gives you the classic characters, a lot of tense scenes, and a mystery that works fairly well. If you feel like marathoning the Scream movies, include this one.

100 Scariest Movie Moments: #13 Scream

In analyzing Scream, it’s important to realize that it did not introduce self-awareness to the slasher genre. That honor, to the best of my knowledge, goes to later Friday the 13^th sequels; particularly Part 6, and Jason Goes to Hell. The latter actually made the FBI anticipating Jason’s slasher-film behavior a plot point. It’s this tendency that actually makes the later Friday the 13^th films a lot more fun than the earlier ones.

Scream was something of an ironic backfire for Wes Craven. He set out to destroy the slasher genre by making the cliches so obvious that no one could take the format seriously anymore. I somewhat wonder if he still would have made the film if he had possessed a crystal ball and known that the coming age of the internet would make almost all entertainment dependent on its ability to be enjoyed ironically.

What makes Scream still unique among black comedy takes on horror is that the film does not attempt to separate the horror from the humor. The scenes often contain mixtures of the two, but the film never feels disjointed. It would be useful to compare this to a more recent self-aware slasher, You’re Next (which I do highly recommend). In that film, you feel almost as if you’ve watched two movies; a serious horror film about a house under siege by killers, and a black comedy about those killers finding out that one of their victims is highly proficient with improvised weapons. (I’d say that the latter movie begins when one of the killers comes through a window, and is promptly thrown on the floor and beaten to death with a blunt object.)

In Scream however, the killers will spout off movie references even at the most dramatic, terrifying moments. This doesn’t take away from the drama or the fear. We realize that the movie references are an expression of the madness of Billy and Stu (Skeet Ulrich and Matthew Lillard). They see life itself as a fiction that they’re creating, and because of this, they feel no remorse at killing.

Scream could be said to be the film that gave birth to the 21^st Century; a time when we’re all plugged into the formulas of entertainment and find them just as engaging as the stories themselves. We’ve realized, as much as we’re reluctant to admit it, that magic tricks are no less impressive when you can see how they’re done. They remain captivating, and often times even gain a certain element as you lose the false impression that they’re as simple as waving a magic wand.

100 Scariest Movie Moments: #17 A Nightmare on Elm Street

This is a series I’m a little reluctant to deal with, because my view of the franchise is so at odds with the rest of the horror community.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the original A Nightmare on Elm Street. However, I find the (usually despised) Freddy’s Revenge, and Freddy vs Jason to be the only enjoyable sequels. I feel that Dream Warriors, (typically regarded as the second best in the series,) turned it from horror franchise into an unusually violent Saturday-morning cartoon. And the series remained exactly that until FvJ.

The premise of the film is well known by now. Years before the film is set, Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) was a child-killer who was set free on a technicality. The parents of his victims hunted him down and burned him alive. So now, the surviving children of the parents who killed him are being attacked in their dreams, and are somehow dying real and bloody deaths.

For me at least, Englund’s performance as Freddy is easily the best thing about this film. The idea of being attacked in my sleep doesn’t bother me that much personally, as nightmares usually wake me up instantly. However, the idea of being under assault by Robert Englund, armed with razor-sharp claws, is unnerving.

The kids are, for the most part, well-acted. Our decoy protagonist, Tina (Amanda Wyss), is killed fairly early in the film, with Freddy framing her boyfriend Rod (Jsu Garcia), before killing him in his jail cell. The movie then shifts to Nancy (Heather Langenkamp), assisted by her less-than-competent friend Glen (Johnny Depp).

Langenkamp gives the best performance of the film after Englund himself, making us believe that she’s someone who can stay rational under fire. I am a little confused by why Freddy let her live so much longer than the others, but I'm certainly happy for it. (The remake made it clear he had molested all of them and was the most obsessed with her; one of the few positive changes.) I don’t think any of the other actors could have carried the confrontation with the same level of intensity. Nancy eventually determines that it’s possible to bring things from the dream world into the real world by grabbing onto them, so she attempts to go into the dream and drag Freddy out into the real world where he can be killed.

If the movie has a weak point, it’s John Saxon as Nancy’s father, Lt. Don Thompson. The movie clearly wants to emphasize that this is a coming-of-age story by showing him to be both an overprotective father, and a completely useless cop. He nearly shoots Rod for being near his daughter, but is reluctant to go to her when she has Freddy trapped in a bedroom and is screaming for help.

Nancy’s mother (Ronee Blakely) establishes the element of the protective but incapable parent far more effectively. She provides exposition, telling us the full story, and assuring her daughter of Freddy’s demise. She also shows us how her guilt over killing Krueger drove her to drink. Furthermore, unlike her husband, she recognizes that something strange is going on, even as she denies that Freddy could strike out from beyond.

The end of the movie was changed at the last minute by executive mandate. Nancy denies Freddy’s existence, and the entire film is revealed to be a dream. Freddy’s victims are alive again, and Nancy’s mother is giving up drinking. But then, when Nancy gets into a car with her friends, the car turns out to be possessed by Freddy, and he shows up to kill her mother. The whole “Happy Ending” was just a moment of hope created by the invincible Freddy.

Craven wanted the film to end on a happy note, with Freddy unambiguously defeated, and claims that the change was made to allow for sequels. However, the producer disputes this claim, saying that he felt that the original ending was simply boring, and that the final shock was a way of going out on a high note. I’m actually on the side of the executives in this case, because ending such a dark movie with everyone coming back to life and everything being perfect would have felt like bad parody.

We could debate the quality of the sequels until the end of time. However, the original incarnation of Freddy Krueger is an icon of horror. The only other horror icon who is so brought to life purely by the performance of his actor is Pinhead (Doug Bradley) from the Hellraiser series. And I don’t think there’s a horror fan out there who doesn’t get creeped out when they hear the words “One, two, Freddy’s comin’ for you.” This is a performance that will long outlive its actor.

100 Scariest Movie Moments: #29 The Serpent and the Rainbow

I think it took me several viewings to really get The Serpent and the Rainbow. However, it’s a creepy movie. As far as I can tell, it’s the source of the “powder that makes you appear dead for several days” cliché, although I believe this may only be that powder’s primary use in horror. It generally seems to pop up in dramas and mysteries in which the plot dictates that a character be dead, then not be dead.

The film is very loosely based on a true story, because the reality was far less interesting. There was an anthropologist who claimed that such a powder actually existed. Today, there’s an ongoing controversy over whether or not he committed fraud. The alternative seems to be that there is such a powder, but it has such an unbelievably low success rate that no one’s ever been able to reproduce it under laboratory conditions, and the actual cases of zombies are rare anomalies that happen just often enough to make people believe.

That said, this movie delves into the nature of reality and belief. Dr. Dennis Alan (Bill Pullman), our main character, goes to Haiti, hoping to discover the secret of zombies because of the potential uses as an anesthetic for surgery. The movie is technically a period piece, set against the downfall of Bebe Doc’s government, but the setting is only ten years before the film was made.

Dr. Allan finds a knowledgeable practitioner named Louis Mozart (Brent Jennings). Mozart’s an interesting character, as he’s willing to help Dr. Allan purely for his own benefit. Initially, he wants money for the powder, but eventually gives it to Dr Allan simply because he believes it could make him famous. Louis is a wise-cracker, who we're led to like, but far from heroic.

On the other hand however, a priest and official under Bebe Doc by the name of Peytraud (Zakes Mokae) is determined both to drive out the foreigner and to protect the secrets of Voodoo. This is not because of his piety, but simply because he sees the power of the religion as something to keep enemies of the regime in line; so he threatens to steal the soul of Dr. Allan.

The eventual fall-out walks a line between the magical and the mundane. Dr. Allan has many horrifying experiences that may be supernatural, or may simply be the result of chemically induced hallucinations. Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter, because both possibilities are terrifying beyond belief. Eventually, this culminates in Dr. Allan being buried alive and dug up to face Peytraud in a vulnerable state.

Bill Pullman gives an excellent performance. I’ve heard some accusations of racism directed against this movie, but given that every main character other than Pullman’s is black, it seems to make perfect sense that the villains are black. Furthermore, Voodoo is portrayed as a Religion that has been corrupted by the leaders of Haiti, not simply as evil magic.

The final few minutes of the movie arguably go a bit too far with their imagery and actually begin to come across as silly. On the other hand, I suppose a man who’d just been poisoned and buried alive might see some silly things. Whether he’s been attacked with magic physically, attacked with magic psychologically or just dosed with chemicals is left for the viewer to decide. Hell, any event that happens after Bebe Doc fleeing Haiti (which, at minimum, we know actually did happen) is pretty much up for grabs.

I wish more movies like this existed, mixing physical terror with the psychological. There is no monster to jump out and say “boo.” There is only human evil in whatever form you believe it manifests, harnessing whatever powers it can. This movie is great.

100 Scariest Movie Moments: #41 The Hills Have Eyes

With many of the movies on this list, I struggle to write enough. But with The Hills Have Eyes, I feel that I’m going to be unable to deal with all of my feelings, due to the large number of memorable characters that I could talk about. The simplest way of expressing my delight at this movie is simply to say that it scared me. Not merely that I found it scary in some abstract way, but that I actually felt fear coming from the screen in front of me while watching this movie.

The premise of the film is that an extended family, the Carters, (an elderly couple, their two children, their spouses and a newborn grandchild) take a detour on their trip to California. They want to search the area of an old silver mine, thinking it might be fun to try to find some silver for the grandparents’ anniversary. They’re warned by Fred (John Steadman), the owner of a desert convenience store to stay on the main road. But obviously, because this is a horror film, his advice goes unheeded as they stumble into an Air Force bomb testing range, go off the road when they’re bombed, and ending up stuck in the middle of nowhere. Then, they fall prey to a family of cannibals, led by the vicious Papa Jupiter (James Whitworth).

Before the attack comes, Big Bob (Russ Grieve) departs the main group to try to get help from the convenience store. There, he finds out from Fred that Jupiter is Fred’s son, who burned his own sister to death. Fred beat his son with a tire iron and left him in the desert to die. However, Jupiter didn’t die, and in fact kidnapped a woman and started a cannibal clan living in the desert, preying upon anyone who happened through. We’re told that Jupiter’s wife (Cordy Clark) is a “whore,” and thus unmissed. She actually seems quite willing to stay with him, without any real explanation of why she converted to his way of thinking. This movie doesn’t really have the best female characters, so I’m not going to waste my time looking for an explanation there.

Jupiter attacks the gas station, killing Bob and Fred as his children attack the trailer. While the relationship between Jupiter and Fred was probably my favorite part of this film, I think the decision to kill Fred off was well-founded. It’s a case of less-is-more. It’s established through Jupiter’s daughter Ruby (Janus Blythe) that the cannibals were trading with Fred and that he was covering up their existence. Furthermore, when telling Jupiter’s story, Fred clearly takes great pains to never refer to Jupiter as his son. But on at least one occasion, Jupiter refers to him (posthumously) as “Grandpa Fred” and mockingly chants “Da-dy” after killing him. I think the way their relationship developed is something best left to our imagination.

Two of the women in the group are killed by two of Jupiter’s sons Mars (Lance Gordon) and Pluto (Michael Berryman), and the grandchild is kidnapped to be eaten. The assault on the trailer is the most intense part of the film by far. Berryman’s appearance is often cited as highly effective, but I actually found Gordon to be more frightening. Mars seems to view the world purely in terms of physical conflict, berating the Carter family for being too weak to stop them. I believe Mars actually serves as a contrast to Jupiter. Jupiter seems much more calculating, and we understand that he’s someone who was exposed to civilized life and rejected it. While in contrast to this, Mars never had the chance to even understand what it is to be human.

I should probably also mention that Jupiter has another son, Mercury (Arthur King), who seems to be mentally handicapped... I’ve now mentioned him. He doesn’t play a big enough role in the movie to discuss further.

The early-to-mid parts of this film remind me of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There’s fairly little blood, and much of the horror is implied. We never see the cannibals kill the Carter’s dog, Beauty. It feels very real, like the movie knows it doesn’t have to try to scare you, because it scares you by its mere presence.

After the initial assaults, the movie does go downhill. Wes Craven apparently considered killing the baby. However, his entire crew threatened to walk off the set if he did so, meaning that there are no further deaths in the Carter family after that point. Ruby eventually turns on her family and helps protect the baby, and we get a final act that features fast-acting rattlesnake venom, obviously fake rocks being thrown around, and one of the most contrived traps in film history.

The move never sinks to the level of being “bad,” but to go from such a raw, brutal, grisly reality, to cheese in the final act is a bit of a buzz kill. Notably, the movie ends merely with the antagonists being defeated. The Carter family is never shown escaping the desert. I suppose Ruby, now allied with them, at least knows enough survival skills to keep them alive walking out. I’m aware there’s a sequel, but I’m also aware that Craven has publicly apologized for that sequel, so I don’t really consider it canon.

Of all the Wes Craven films to make this list (more than any other director), this is probably the least-good. However, that’s a little like saying “the poorest Billionaire.” Craven is a Master, and this is definitely a film that has earned its place in cinema history.

100 Scariest Movie Moments: #50 The Last House on the Left

Having made the decision to re-watch and review this film, I realized on the way home that I was actually dreading it. This isn't a film that's meant to be enjoyed. It exists as a dare. And I don't blame the people who've chickened out of that dare.

Lots of horror movies have tried to market themselves as an experience rather than a story: Psycho, Paranormal Activity, House on Haunted Hill, and The Tingler to name just a few. But what's unusual about The Last House on the Left is that it's actually kept this status. I've rarely heard anyone discuss the film, except in terms of its ability to horrify. Documentaries about horror movies rarely show anything other than the original trailer. And I can see why, as most of the memorable scenes have no place on television.

The basic plot is quite simple. Two girls, Mari and Phyllis (Sandra Cassel and Lucy Grantham) go to a concert. They are lured to a hotel room with promises of cheap pot, and then kidnapped by two prison escapees along with their two accomplices. The girls are raped and left for dead in the woods. Then, through a remarkable coincidence, their killers stay at the home of one of the victim's parents (Cynthia Carr and Gaylord St. James). And upon discovering what the killers have done, the parents take their revenge.

While disturbing, this film is definitely a reminder of why the 70s are regarded as the greatest decade of American cinema. A generation of filmmakers, freed of the Hayes Code at long last, were ready to really experiment. It's unlikely this film could have been made at any other time. It's disturbing, but much of its action takes place in broad daylight, and there's no hesitation to contrast brutality with humor. Even as Mari and Phyllis are being humiliated, tortured, and raped, we get scenes of Mari's parents fooling around at home. Later in the film, we watch of two bumbling policemen trying to chase the criminals.

Of the four criminals, two are basically filler characters. One of the escapees, Weasel (Fred Lincoln), seems to be there mainly to give the villains a little more muscle and the heroes one more gory death to cause. And Sadie (Jeramie Rain), the female accomplice, is there because... well, criminals in movies have their love interests with them. Also, she's bi-sexual, and assaults the girls along with the men.

The two villain characters who actually matter are Krug (David A Hess) and his son Junior (Marc Sheffler). Krug is a monster, leading all the others without dispute. We're told early in the film that he's hooked his own son on heroin to control him. This makes Junior a character who you can't help but have mixed feelings about. He never takes part in the rape and murder of the girls, but he lures the girls in on his father's orders. However, his ultimate fate, being ordered by his own father to commit suicide, and doing it because he's lost all hope, makes you feel sorry for him.

While both the girls, and eventually all four gang members, meet their fates, there are only really three scenes that stand out as truly shocking. The first is, of course, the rape of the two women. I challenge anyone to watch this film's depiction of rape and call it “glorified.” I've never seen two women undressing each other in a manner that's less erotic. Krug acts as a dictator for this scene, controlling their actions, and leaving them completely powerless. It's notable that after finally completing the act, Krug shows the only signs of remorse he displays in the entire film… a few moments of looking uneasy. Even he knew that what he'd done was horrific!

The second scene is Weasel's death. Not knowing that the parents are on to them, he attempts to seduce Mari's mother, bragging how he can “take a woman with my hands tied behind my back.” The scene involves him letting her tie his hands behind his back, and placing his cock in her mouth. Three guesses how that ends.

The final scene is, of course, Junior's death. The actors playing Krug and Junior give performances that can really make you cringe. Selling a scene in which a young man kills himself on his father's orders certainly isn't easy, especially when that young man had already been shown turning on his father moments before, pulling a gun on him. But Junior is disturbed enough, and Krug manipulative enough, that we buy it.

Krug's death is actually a bit too over-the-top to be truly disturbing. Having finished off his minions, the father confronts him with a chainsaw. Krug is unable to escape because they've electrocuted the doorknob. Finally, after a long period of Krug holding pieces of furniture in front of him to protect himself, he's beheaded. Then the cops arrive, and happy banjo music starts playing as we see the credits.

This is a film for people who can handle it. Watch it if you want the bragging rights of having seen it, not because you want to be entertained. If you want to be entertained, you might want to watch the remake, which is substantially watered down but not a terrible film in and of itself. The original... well, don't use it for date night.