Stay Out of the
Basement, more than any other episode of Goosebumps I’ve
seen to date, knows exactly what it is. It’s a goofy throw-back to
the silly science fiction of the 1950’s, and it is glorious in its
stupidity. I can just see the creators laughing over this script.
They even included the line “I think Dad is a mad scientist.”
The premise is that
Margaret and Casey (Beki Lantos and Blake McGrath) are being left
with their botanist father (Judah Katz) while their mother (Lucy
Peacock) is away caring for her sick sister. Their father, however,
has been isolated of late, working on some project intended to regain
his recently terminated post at the local University.
However, as soon as
their mother is away the two go down into the basement, and their
father runs up behind them screaming the episode title. Apparently
he feels that what’s down in the basement is dangerous, and wants
the two to stay away. While the idea of a scientist not allowing his
kids into his laboratory is actually far more believable than the
insane behavior of most Hollywood science (looking at you new Ninja
Turtles franchise), this
is easily the last moment of the story that isn’t downright absurd.
The children begin
to grow suspicious of their father when Margaret sees him eating
plant food, and catches a glimpse of him in the bathroom, having
taken off his hat to reveal leaves growing from his head, and was
washing off a cut that was bleeding green. To allay their
suspicions, their father begins attempting to spend more time with
them.
He first explains to
this that he’s working on an animal/plant hybrid. This was the
scene that convinced me the episode was being intentionally stupid.
The process is described as “putting animals cells in a plant.”
I really doubt the writers were unfamiliar with the concept of DNA in
the 90s.
He also attempts to
force them to eat a weird green slop for breakfast. This is treated
as insidious in some unspecified way. Even having watched the
episode twice I’m not clear on whether or not they would have been
harmed by eating it, or if it was just a sign that he failed to
recognize the slop as unappetizing to normal humans.
When a family friend
from the University (Hrant Alianak) disappears after going down in
the basement (the two never saw him leave), they venture down into
the basement, which they find now resembles a rainforest, and has
plants that can reach out and grab them. I’m not sure exactly how
many times the two of them slipped down into the basement over the
course of the episode, but it was enough to rob their final descent
of any tension, as we already knew more-or-less what was down there.
On their final trip
down they discover...their actual father! He explains that some of
his blood had mixed with an experiment, resulting in a plant that
looked exactly like him, and who was planning to replace humanity
with plant copies! Honestly, the reveal wouldn’t have been that
far out of place in a black-and-white sci-fi film in the middle of
the 20th century, and here it had me nearly rolling on the
floor. If every Goosebumps episode was made this perfectly in
imitation of old horror films I would have flown through this season.
The climax is the
single goofiest example of “who do I shoot!” I’ve ever seen.
Margaret has to decide which “father” to spray with weed killer.
Apparently “spray them both and call the Toxin Helpline to see if
their real father needs to go to the hospital for skin contact or
not” didn’t occur to her, and instead she has to guess from her
father calling her “Princess.” Naturally, only he would know to
call her this, not the plant copy who as far as we can tell has all
of his memories (I mean, it’s not like he had to ask their names or
learn English).
Even if you’re not
interested in Goosebumps, I’d say check this episode out.
It’s fun, and you’re sure to get a few laughs out of it. I don’t
remember if it scared me as a kid, but my reaction as an adult is
more than enough reason to justify its existence.
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