Goosebumps: Episodes 5-6 Welcome to Camp Nightmare

Only four episodes in, and I'm already starting to form a list of things that make for a good Goosebumps episode: a two-parter for good pacing, a director who can provide atmosphere, human villains to minimize cheesy special effects, a protagonist a few years older than the show's target demographic, and a surreal environment that makes the final twist seem less stupid by comparison.

If you can't tell, I'm listing off the things I like in Welcome to Camp Nightmare. This is another step up from the already good Girl who Cried Monster, which still had problems with cheesy make-up and pacing. It still has a certain degree of hamminess to it, but moreso than any previous episode there's a sense that the cheese is intentional. All of these actors are having a blast, and the Summer Camp environment invokes the sense of an '80s slasher made appropriate for small children.

Our protagonist this time is named Billy (Kaj-Erik Eriksen), a kid whose parents frequently go off on expeditions every summer. Normally, he stays with his Aunt and Uncle, but this summer they decided to send him off to camp. I like how downplayed his reaction is. Billy comes across as less hyperactive and emotional than our three previous protagonists right from the start. He mentions that he prefers Camp over his Aunt and Uncle, but doesn't seem especially thrilled to be there either.

Most of the other kids at the camp come across as more typical Goosebumps protagonists, either easily freaked out, or snarky as hell. Billy acting as straight-man for the group works well. We get to spend the most time with the character least likely to grate on our nerves. It also goes perfectly with the eventual twist.

The episode probably embodies the fear of childhood powerlessness better than any other single episode. The majority of tension in the episode is driven by one primary conflict: the adults at the camp seem oblivious to danger. The episode starts with the kids being left in what appears to be a random part of the woods by their bus driver, and nearly attacked by a large canine creature. The camp director, Uncle Al (Chris Benson) makes his appearance by scaring the creature off with a flare-gun. He assures them that “Saber” will leave them alone if they stay on the trail, not bothering to comment on why they would build a Summer Camp at all in woods that had such a monster in it.

Uncle Al is contrasted with counselor Larry (Paul Brogren), a snarky and disinterested jerk. Where Al comes across as friendly, Larry is constantly rude and demeaning to his campers. To the episode's benefit, neither of them come across as villainous from the start. Al seems happy-go-lucky, but oblivious. Larry, on the other hand, initially comes across as a guy who's just fed-up with stupid kids who don't listen.

After arriving, camper Mike (David Roemmele) is bitten by a snake. Billy and Mike beg Larry for a doctor, but Larry tells them to just wash it off and wrap it. I remember that as a kid this seemed horrible. Now, looking at the scene, I see Larry as someone who knows there are no poisonous snakes in the area, and thinks the kids are over-reacting.

Gradually, however, it becomes clear that something is wrong. First Mike disappears, and the counselors refuse to say where he went. Then Roger (Benjamin Plener) is attacked by Saber offscreen, apparently killed. Finally, Larry turns and runs away when he sees Jay and Collin (Jeffrey Akomah and Ken Mundy) drowning. Eventually, Uncle Al begins refusing to acknowledge that campers of those names even existed.

Finally, Billy runs to hide in the “Forbidden Bunk,” where he encounters Dawn (Sarah Mitchell), and escapee from the Girls' Camp across from them, who tells him stories similar to his own. They also find that all of their letters home have been stored in the bunk. The sequence is right out of a nightmare.

When Billy goes out to investigate further, he's captured by Larry, and finds Uncle Al in fatigues, handing out crossbows loaded with alleged “tranquilizer darts” to subdue Dawn. Apparently it's camp policy to rally all the boys into a hunting party whenever anyone tries to run. The scene seems surreal, but the use of human villains helps here. The scene works as well as the actors selling it, and they sell it.

Billy, however, is having none of this, shooting Uncle Al with the crossbow he assumes to be lethal, determined that no one else can be allowed to die. And then, the reveal: the crossbow dart was harmless, and Billy just passed a test by the government. Everyone is alive, Saber was mechanical, and his parents (Alec Bachlow and Michele Duquet) set the whole thing up because they couldn't take Billy with them on a long-term expedition unless he was able to show courage, and an ability to act independently of authority. This ending works because, unlike a lot of protagonists, Billy does show himself to be a kid with exceptional control of his own emotions, much more so than any previous main characters on this show.

...oh, and they're all human-like aliens on another planet, and the expedition is to Earth. And this planet is so close that Earth is clearly visible in the sky, but Billy has never heard of it. Yes, the final twist is kind of insane, but it doesn't really bother me. It doesn't fundamentally change anything that came before it, and the actors are good enough to get me to go with a fundamentally stupid idea. It's silly, but it kind of makes me smile.

...how exactly did the Night of the Living Dummy episodes become the face of this franchise? I suppose there really isn't a marketable villain for this episode. Still, so far as I've gotten (granted it’s only four stories), this is the most bang you're going to get for your buck by a mile.

Goosebumps: Episode 4 The Girl Who Cried Monster

Wow, an episode of Goosebumps that I an enjoyed unironically. The cheese is still there. The dialogue has to be condensed to fit this story into a 30-minute time-slot, so characters rapidly spout out exposition. However, this episode seems to have been directed by someone with at least a general understanding of atmosphere, who knew how to use close-ups, camera angles, and the occasional jump scare effective.

The episode follows Lucy (Deborah Scorsone), a girl who loves scaring her little brother Randy (Brandon Bone) with monster stories. However, one day she leaves her backpack in the library and discovers that the librarian, Mr. Mortman (Eugene Lipinski), is a monster who turns green and grows sharp teeth and eye stalks when he eats bugs.

When her family reacts exactly as the title of the episode suggests, Lucy decides to prove it, and Mortman catches her attempting to photograph him. The term “monster” here seems quite generic. Apparently being inhuman is assumed to make Mortman evil, and it's taken for granted that he would eat humans in addition to bugs. But, I’m not here to fight for acceptance for beings that don’t exist.

After a few close calls with Mortman, her parents (Lynn Cormack and Dan Lett) invite him over for dinner. Lucy is of course in absolute panic. Mortman makes his intentions known by saying “It’s been so long since I’ve had a home-cooked meal.”

Scorsone and Lipinski, in addition to the direction, give this episode life. Scorsone appears to be a bit older than the protagonists from the first two episodes, and she plays the role more naturally. Nothing special, but a notch up from the usual child actors.

You might also know Lipinski from the Animorphs television series, where he played the role of Visser Three. Here he's much better, with the episode allowing him to play the role in a less serious manner, hamming it up as both a classic book nerd, and an over-the-top farce of a villain.

I wish the episode could have been in two parts. There are a number of scenes, particularly between the leads, when certain lines felt like they were written to have space, but are crammed together. The lines have weight, but they aren't allowed to sink in.

As for the final twist: Lucy's family are all monsters. Lucy and her brother, being to young to transform, were apparently unaware of this. However, both of her parents are reptilian creatures who invited Mortman over with plans to eat him. The final confrontation happens mostly through close-ups, but it works. We get the idea: Mortman dies screaming.

I'm somewhat surprised that this episode isn't better remembered. It might be that the cheesiest episodes were the most memorable, but I honestly think as an adult horror fan this was worth half an hour of my time. And, honestly, I wish I could see Lipinski in more things.

Goosebumps: Episode 3 The Cuckoo Clock of Doom

I'm not sure if the child actors in this film are bad, or if they're just badly directed with poor dialogue. Notably, the actor who plays the main character (John White) is still working as an adult. This makes me inclined to think its not the director's fault.

That said, the premise of this episode isn't terrible. It's an idea that's both relatable and frightening. An act of sibling rivalry leads to our protagonist being punished. Even though I'm an only child, having been a kid at all I can definitely understand the desire for revenge on other children.

Our protagonist, Michael (White) has a younger sister named Tara (Kristen Bone) who seems to take joy in his suffering. She intentionally embarrasses him at his birthday party in front of his crush, tripping him so that he face-plants in his cake, and shooting him with a Super Soaker full of gunk and running to his parents when he chases her. These are really the only examples we get, because the episode only has twenty minutes after commercials, but it gets the message across: Tara is a little monster, and his parents don't see it.

Then, his father (Larry Mannell) gets a Cuckoo Clock. Mannell is the only actor in this episode who I like without qualification. His performance actually seems to change in subtle ways over the course of the story, as we see him at different points in his life to reflect his maturation as a parent. In the present he's very no-nonsense, in the past he comes across as making more vain attempts to relate to his child on an equal level, something clearly impossible.

And with that, I've given away the conflict: Michael overhears his father threatening to punish Tara if there is any damage to the clock, assuming it would be her. Michael, naturally, sees his chance for revenge. Sneaking out of bed, he twists the head on the cuckoo around, and the next morning wakes up to a repeat of his birthday party.

I'm a little unclear on what happens at the party. It seems to be implied that Michael is somehow forced to relive the most humiliating moments, even with foreknowledge of them, but later in the episode he seems to have complete free-will within the past. Maybe the clock just decided to have fun in this scene.

At first, Michael assumes he's caught in a time loop, circling the same three days over and over again. No such luck, as he wakes up as a six-year-old the following day. This is the point when it hits Michael: if the clock continues to send him back in time he could very easily cease to exist. He attempts to get to the antique shop where his father purchased the clock, and we get a false scare involving a creepy stranger. While the clock is there, the shop is closed for the day, and he finds himself dragged back home by his father.

While Michael assumes that's that end, we as an audience know both that there's time left in the episode, and that it would hardly be an acceptable conclusion if he never reached the clock. So, he gets one last chance...as a one-year-old. I'm not sure if his parents actually went to the antique shop on his first birthday, or if the clock wanted to give him a chance. I lean towards the latter, actually, it seems a bit more satisfying to think the Clock merely wanted to teach young Michael a lesson.

I also find it unlikely that the parents of a one-year-old in a shop full of expensive things would leave him alone in his stroller long enough for him to get out of the stroller, walk over to a clock on his one-year-old legs, and twist the head of a cuckoo-bird back into the correct direction (yes, it's backwards before he twisted it in the future, just go with it). With that, Michael finds himself back in the future, being lectured by his Dad that he shouldn't touch the clock.

This is one of the few, if not the only, Goosebumps episode where the twist is actually to the protagonist's benefit. The final twist: Tara no longer exists. The clock had a series of panels that listed the years, and in the shop Michael accidentally knocked off 1988, the year that Tara was born. The episode ends with him contemplating that he should find a way to bring her back, but seems extremely uncertain if he wants to.

I'm not really sure how to interpret this final twist. Is the clock's magic completely without sentience, just wiping out important events in Michael's life that happened in 1988? Did the clock decide to reward him for some perverse reason? Or did it simply fail to realize that removing Tara would not be a proper punishment for the brother who hated her? I really don't have an answer that I like.

The episode isn't bad, I can say that much. It's cheesy, could use better direction and dialogue, and as with many kids' shows seems a bit rushed at times. But, it actually has some moments that are unsettling as an adult. And the actions of our protagonist do feel like something a kid would do. If you want to revisit this show, give it a watch.

Goosebumps: Episodes 1-2 The Haunted Mask

I knew when I started blogging I’d need some easy filler posts to stay ahead. When I first started my plan was to go episode-by-episode through a season of Z Nation every year. That was after the first season, when the show was firmly established as my favorite show. When I wrote my first draft of this review, in February 2016, after the second season definitely took a bit of a tumble as it’s become clear that the writers never expected to get a second season and had no idea what they were doing for most of it. Furthermore, I’m not sure if I want to subject what little readership I have to a show so obscure that it could only be called a vanity project for me.

And now as I write this final draft (Layers upon irritating layers. Sorry if it’s a tough read.), in late July of 2016, I’ve made the decision to go back to school while still working full-time. Because of this I’m going to have to wildly redirect the focus of my blog to make sure I have time to continue it. Rather than my original intention of one season of a show per year, I’m going to be focusing mainly on a wide variety of anthology shows, tackling them in season-long chunks, with whichever movies I’m able to get watched lumped in-between.

I’d love to tell you that I chose this first series after careful consideration of many shows, but sadly no: Goosebumps is well-known among people my age, has four seasons and plenty of episodes for me to cover, and is easy to write about because the material is intended for children. It shares these traits with Are You Afraid of the Dark? The tie-breaker is that the copyright to that show are owned by people who care about it, so the episodes available on Youtube are sporadic. Goosebumps is much easier to find.

Now that I’ve admitted what a cheapskate I am, discussing the actual show, I’d say that Goosebumps doesn’t hold up very well to nostalgic expectations, even when compared to its aforementioned competitor. Watching this first episode it’s pretty evident why: this is a series adapted from a book series that was heavily based on inhuman monsters that had to be adapted with a television budget. AYAOTD, on the other hand, was more easily able to create scripts and monsters suitable to a television budget. Being on cable probably didn’t hurt either.

The entire premise of this episode would be difficult to film, even without the restrictions of the Network. The titular Mask is horrifying to anyone who sees it. The mask does not simply startle people with a jump-scare. Just looking at it creates real terror. That alone is going to make it difficult to film, since no possible mask could scare everyone.

Does this mean that the episode is “bad?” Not really. I’m sure by now you all know that I tend to focus on the negatives first. To talk about the positives, this is an episode that takes the Power of Love cliché and turns it into something terrifying. Most entertainment for children make love out to be some great force for good, rather than the complicated and potentially dangerous emotion that it really is.

Most brilliantly of all, though: the Power of Love still saves the day. While I don’t think many children consciously got the point, it’s an idea we can come back to as adults: Love is amoral. It has no interest in the happiness of the people it effects, and can be just as destructive as it is useful.

Now to talk about the actual episode, I give them props for having the only good child actor present as the lead. Kathryn Long plays Carly Beth Caldwell, a girl with a reputation around her school that she’s “scared of everything.” She’s the target of constant bullying by two boys (George Kinamis and Amos Crawley). While the dialogue isn’t great, Long does a good job of portraying a girl constantly on the brink of a panic attack.

So for Halloween she goes to a mask shop looking for something that can scare the two bullies. She stumbles across a group of grotesque masks in the back, which the shop owner (Colin Fox) refuses to sell her. In desperation, Carly Beth steals one and runs out.

The Mask isn’t exactly bad, and Carly Beth knows how to get a bit creative. She carries a plaster copy of her head that her mother along with her on a stick to complete the costume. Even in real life, this would probably have gotten a few points for effort in any neighborhood. However, once Carly Beth goes out for Halloween the effects are underwhelming. The mask apparently changes her personality, but the effects seem to be limited to her saying mean things, and jumping out at people.

I strongly suspect the network is at work here. One mother (Anne Marie DeLuise) threatens to call the police because Carly Beth makes an obnoxious comment to the woman’s children. This is a story where the protagonist needed to do some property damage,

After getting her revenge on the bullies in an extremely satisfying scene where they’re forced to apologize to what they seem to believe is their victim’s decapitated head, Carly Beth discovers that she can’t take the mask off, which seems to have melded into her skin. In desperation she returns to the mask shop to be told “I was expecting you.”

Fox’s performance is easily the most chilling thing in the episode. He has the demeanor of a man long-since jaded to evil, and irritated by the stupid kid who stumbled into it. It’s clear that he’s willing to help, but isn’t going to waste his tears if the mask can’t be removed.

It’s implied that he’s in some way deformed, and created beautiful, perfectly-realistic masks to hide his face, but over time the masks decayed and became hideous. The face he presents to us is one of these, in the early stages of decay. Whether he’s a scientist or a magician isn’t elaborated upon. His scenes avoid making the rules of the Mask explicit, but manages to convey them fairly well by implication: the first time worn the mask can be removed (an event that happened at Carly Beth’s house), the second time only a Symbol of Love can remove it, and the third time the mask will remain on permanently.

And my mention of the Power of Love? The masks are called “The Unloved Ones,” because no one will ever want or love them. No one, that is, except a girl desperate to create fear. The masks are drawn to Carly Beth because she is the only person who could love them. In fact, to give us a more exciting climax, the other masks start flying and come after Carly Beth (not a clue how that happens). She uses the cast of her head that her to fend them off, and finds that she can remove the Mask through the power of her mother’s Love.

On a technical side, the episode isn’t horrible. I think the Mask’s mouth gains more mobility over the course of the episode, which makes sense. If there is a problem it’s that we’re told multiple times that Carly Beth’s voice sounds strange. Honestly, she sounds like…a girl lowering her voice. I’m amazed they didn’t ADR a deeper voice. It certainly would have been a cheap effect.

As scary stuff aimed at kids goes, you could do better than this episode, but you could also do a lot worse. It’s cheesy, and held back by networks standards, but it’s clear there was effort. It’s not the best of the season (that title will eventually go to A Night in Terror Tower), but it’s in the top half, and probably more thematic than any other episode to come.

And one thing I have to mention: The actress who played the main character was Kathryn Long. Her best friend is played by Kathryn Short. What are the odds?

Goosebumps

Another chance to do a regular review on a film I originally reviewed when it premiered. Looking back at my original review, I don't really disagree with anything I said. In fact, I consider this an extension of that review, so I find myself talking a lot about the characters. I still feel I would have been happier with an anthology. However, in re-watching I find myself warming to this interpretation.

It's clear that, while this isn't my vision of a Goosebumps film, it was someone’s. The acting is solid, the story is well-written, and the humor is actually funny. I really feel like the people behind this movie came into it giving their all, and determined to produce a film that children and adults could both enjoy.

I mentioned that the protagonists of this film were much better developed than most Goosebumps heroes and heroines. I still stand by that. They fall into general stereotypes, but not painfully so. Jack Black is the arrogant author as R.L. Stine, but his dialogue is absolutely hilarious. Odeya Rush, as Stine's daughter Hannah, is a clever, funny female character, who is annoyed by chauvinistic attempts to protect her, while avoiding Mary Sue status. Ryan Lee is absolutely hilarious as Champ (real name “Champion”), the overconfident nerd dragged into this mess by our hero, who at times seems to forget he's supposed to be afraid while facing down the monsters from his childhood.

And then we have the aforementioned hero, Zach (Dylan Minnette). He's probably the least interesting of the main cast, but manages to keep his character diverse and active enough to avoid seeming superfluous. The film makes it clear he's generally familiar with the Goosebumps series, but isn't especially nerdy, so he walks a line between the jock and the nerd hero. His romance with Hannah seems natural enough, and the two have decent chemistry.

As an aside I should also mention Jillian Bell as Zach's Aunt Lorraine, who's in relatively little of the movie, but strikes up a romance with Stine. I wasn't familiar with Bell, but she left me wanting more. She plays that energetic, clumsy aunt, that remains lovable, even while embarrassing her nephew.

At this point the twist of the story is fairly well-known: Hannah was the titular character from The Ghost Next Door, who Stine brought into the real world to fight off loneliness. When Stine and Zach realize the only way to trap the monsters is to write a story containing all of them (the very adventure they're living), they're forced to write the story with Hannah, and trap her with all of Stine's other creations. However, Stine writes a final story with Hannah, freeing her, and burning the book to keep her from being sent back.

Re-watching this movie gives me hope for the sequel that's supposedly in development. I don't know what they'll do now that virtually every major Goosebumps villain has been used in this film's mob, but I've heard that it could be Horrorland. Whatever it is, I really want to see these characters again. It's likely that the readers of this already know more about the project, as I'm writing it in January 2016, and don't expect it to go up until sometime in 2017. Whatever the news is, I hope it's good.